Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
