What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We are all done wearing pants today
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
