I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
