Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
