see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
