not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
