Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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