when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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