we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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