I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
