yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
