The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
