thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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