I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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