Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
