at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
