There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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