I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You made out with two different species that night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
