Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
