Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
