I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
