that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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