Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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