i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
