I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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