You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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