My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
