dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
