I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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