i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
