it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
