Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
