Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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