She is in my trunk
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no, he came in my armpit
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
