guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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