So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
