Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
