This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
