He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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