With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
