His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
