He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
