I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
