i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
