sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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