what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
