the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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