Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
