He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
