i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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