Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
