is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
