I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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