My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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