bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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