i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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