ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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