Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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