he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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