he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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