Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
