just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
