so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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