this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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