State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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