you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
