So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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