and you said cock pushups were impossible
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
