I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
