is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
