Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
