You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
