just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
